by Carl E. Correll (12/5/04)

(this is a fictional short story about an incident at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade as reiterated to a reporter by a New York City patrolman, Anthony "tony" Boffanto.)

"Well, I wuz settin up, an arrangin, dese barriers (fer da crowds later, ya know) when I look over an see dis funny lookin A_ _hole, all bundled up, you know, wit boots an a big coat an gloves an dis huntin cap, you know, one of dem ear flapper kind, what a A_ _hole!

Well it looks, kinda like, der is smoke commin from under der flappers and when I look again, I sez, Holy S_ _t! Dis guy's head is on fire! Da flames are commin up pretty good, you know. Well, I run over dere and I give dis guy da "ole drop and roll" ( to put out the fire, ya know) Well , dis guy is scramin, Disconnect Me! Disconnect Me!

Well, I look further and I seez dese jumper cables commin from under his big coat and connect to dis big truck battery on da ground. What a A_ _ Hole! Well, I yank da red wire off (knowin dat is da one carrin the most juice) and wit dis, da guys head fire starts to go down.

Sos I got to call it in and da guys at da precinct are sorta gigglin when I sez I got dis A_ _hole on da sidewalk wit his head on fire! Anyways, dey send da meat wagon an dey haul dis guy away.

Well, later on I hear hez gonna be o.k. and not only did he have one of doz electric hats, but gloves and sox too! Crap, Im' glad da sox didn't go up too, cuz, den I woulda had a A_ _ hole dat was burnin at both ends. Ha, Ha! End of story!

"Tony" sez, "Da Motto beein.. If you go to da parade early, ya shoulda know somethin about electricity!!!! What a A_ _ hole! Bada Bing!